For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable. Romans 11:29.
The last three entries have been a struggle for me to write. How much do I say? What do I reveal without hurting innocent bystanders? How do I do this without humiliating those involved or putting them in a bad light. I’m definitely doing my best to avoid TMI here. As much as I would also like to be completely transparent, I must be considerate of those who’s feelings I might hurt if I said too much.
Also, remember this is from my perspective and may not totally reflect reality. Our emotional and mental state at the time and stress level tend to color how we understood what is being said, done or the situation period. I confess my stress level at the time was quite high and I felt myself slipping down a steep bumpy slope.
Everyone involved in the situations I have described were human, which means they have hearts, were fallible, careless at times, fallen for sure and but none the less they were good people in general. The fact that they failed me and I failed them is par for course in living.
Our biggest goal with these talks is not to get the dirt on anyone but to learn from my mistakes so as not to make the same ones.
The one thing I couldn’t explain well enough to my wife before, during our marriage or after our divorce is that when we make a vow to God, dedicate ourselves to His service and give ourselves to Him completely, our futures don’t belong to us anymore than our present. I wanted someone around who got it and thought she was on her way for a time, but it turned out I was dead wrong.
The ministry is about self-denial, working for the good of others and being an example. I’m not the best of any of these, though I have done my best to transparent to all. In some capacity I have served God most of my life now. In a few pretty significant ways (as you’ve probably noticed) I failed Him. I didn’t want to, of course, because I love Him–and I hate failing.
God’s call on a man to be the leader of his home is not an option like many would like to believe–which means me as well–for we think God’s calling on our lives is a mere suggestion about which direction to take. Read Jeremiah’s story or pretty much any prophet and you’ll see they weren’t given but two options–serve or fail. I know to some it sounds hard of God to require things of us, but His reasoning is impeccable, I’m afraid. The designer knows how the machine ought to operate.
It’s strange to me how we can say we understand God’s will for our lives and miss it so completely. Since I gave myself to God to use, worrying about the “how” or “when” is really a human problem, a burden I take on myself and not a spiritual one. Faith is the biggest issue not the incidentals along the way.
As a married man, I immersed myself in the domestic life but never really fitting into my wife’s prescription. You see I made the mistake of thinking I could handle anyone in my life. I know that sounds kind of cocky, but I thought since I was connected to the God of the universe nothing was impossible for me…so in a sense I misunderstood my connection to God and what He would and wouldn’t do for me. I know this sounds dumb (and it is quite dense) but I learned that I can’t bring just anybody into my life, and most definitely most people can’t handle the call of a minister/musician. Combine that call with the scatterbrained way many artists operate and you have trouble spelled with a capital “T” when it comes to combining a normal woman who wants a solid domestic base and a guy who’s idea of fun is to get together with friends and jam to the wee hours of the night.
I did my best to adjust yet it never really took, to the point that I felt myself in a state of suspended animation–almost like I was waiting to wake up or something. There is a solid reason for Paul saying, Don’t be yoked together with unbelievers. 2 Corinthians 6:14. Now Paul was speaking to the spiritual union between those who do and don’t follow Christ, but I would like to take it a step further into the psychology which makes us work together best and say, if the other person doesn’t believe in you or your mission in life, you will never be unified enough to make a profitable relationship. My wife wanted to believe in my calling, the ministry she thought I did so well and my leadership in the home, but she couldn’t, she never really believed I could do them. The signs of our mismatched union were there for anyone with wisdom and insight to see, unfortunately, no one spoke up when asked and those who would have weren’t known or available at the time.
The Lord Seeking an Occasion…
The story of Samson opened my eyes to something that might or might not apply here (I’m not given to delusions of grandeur about myself, this is just a possibility). In Judges 14:4 the Bible claims that Samson’s marriage to a Philistine woman was from the LORD, who was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines; for at that time they were ruling over Israel. I look at my son, Jesse, and wonder if the Lord just might have wanted him to work for Him. I don’t know that this is true, I am just seeking redemption from my gross blunder, and I’m probably reaching here, but it would be nice to know that God decided to bring Jesse into the world for a great purpose. If not, then his existence is still a gift and an incredible blessing.
Yet those who place their lives into the keeping of the Almighty God can expect Him to be involved intimately in their affairs. But when they ask, they must be willing to submit to His timing, purpose and methods or He will step back from controlling the outcome.
The call on a person’s life needs to be clear for the prospective mate to ascertain whether or not they can stand through the down trends it brings. My wife couldn’t, it frustrated and hurt her to no end. I tried to buffer a lot of it for her but the reality just kept hitting us where it hurt the most. Married people are to be a team; if they haven’t got a game plan in mind for their work, play, and family, they will fail and wonder why–or accidentally succeed by the law of time and chance and think (erroneously) they did so by their own skills.
Samson went against his vows as a Nazarite, yet God still used him. I’m not saying God “excused” him but that God continued to use him and the man ended up being named in the list of the great heroes of faith in Hebrews 11. While we cannot subtract the outcome from the actions, we can see that God will honor us when we honor Him even a little bit. Samson died by killing God’s enemies, through that death he redeemed his calling. Yet think what a difference his life could have made if he had been faithful to his vows and job as a judge in Israel.
The same can be said of us. Proverbs 4:23 says, Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. It isn’t telling us to be self-centered but careful with the life-gift God has given us; good stewards of the character and person we are becoming. Combining our mission with an opposing mission destroys one’s effectiveness and sets us up for failure. Fighting for the right to just be yourself is not a pleasant way to spend the day.
God’s call is irrevocable. His gifts are irrevocable. That doesn’t mean they are indestructible. If we step outside His operation procedure for our model of machine, we shouldn’t be surprised by failure of some kind. Yes, God will use us anyway, just like He used many of the heroes of old. Yes, we are covered by grace and His mercy will hold us up even if we fail to live up to the operation manual, but obedience to God is a better Way to life, success and happiness. Following the mandates of our calling is also the only way to find the peace which transcends all understanding.
If you know your calling in life, make sure the people closest to you are able to support this calling and give sound counsel when you go to war. If we don’t have this seemingly small thing, it will act as a fulcrum and down the road we will miss the bulls eye by more than a little.
Remember the definition of submission? Coming under the mission of another. A person called to serve the Lord Jesus has decided to commit themselves to the mission of Christ. Their life partner must also do this or there will be war in the home.
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January 7, 2009 at 5:41 pm |
Such wisdom in this post. It applies to every walk of life too. I remember a story that I read in The Proper Care and Feeding Of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. In the story a doctor had performed an emergency surgery on a child. He ended up losing the child in the operating room and as he told the mother of the child, she was so distraught that she beat him with her fist. The doctor was feeling dejected and lost and just wanted to go home to his family. When he walked in the door his wife didn’t want to hear about his day or his delay. They had plans that evening and all she cared about was that he was always late to everything.
We need to remember what the mission is. I don’t know of many women who didn’t know who they were marrying but as is usually the case with us females, we think we can change you guys to fit our ideal.